Landmarks

     June 3rd 1995 was the day it all began. Before the gray hairs, the achy backs, all the kids, the stack of bills, there was a 17 year old girl and a 18 year old boy. I had a huge crush on this tall thin young man. I did just about everything to get his attention, but the most effective thing I did was just become his friend. After months of watching him date another girl and feeling my efforts were worthless it finally happened.
    Months prior we had made plans to watch old black and white scary movies together. Even though I didn't care for this type of movie, I would have done anything to sit next to this gorgeous brown eyed, brown haired cutie. His short lived relationship with another young lady derailed those plans. About a month after they broke up I gave him a call. Securing our movie date a week in advance all I could do was think about how our night would turn out. All my daydreaming did not equal the outcome the night would bring.
     When I showed up Doug was watching his four year old brother and his eight year old sister. After getting them settled down and sending them up to bed our movie night began. First up was Frankenstein. I don't remember what the movie was about because all that was racing through my mind was the hansom guy across the room, and the sound of giggling kids that were suppose to be laying down for the night. At the end of the movie I thought nothing was ever going to be said or done unless I made the first move.
    Doug was extremely shy and talking was not something he did well unlike myself. I picked myself up and sat on the opposite end of the couch while he switched the movie to Dracula, and took his seat at the other end of the couch. By this time the kids were settled and things in the house were much quieter. Inch by inch I kept sliding closer and closer to him. Our hands touched and as I turned my head to look up at him, he leaned in and kissed me.
     Seems like a fairytale, but it is true. Somehow through the years the memory of who we were and how we came to be us seems to fade through the cares of the day. Laundry to be done, bills to be paid, fights between children to be solved, no time to remember us.
     The last two years have been rather difficult for Doug and I. The loss of a baby, major surgery, the near death of our new baby girl, the loss of his job we thought was secure, has all took a toll on US. It has been easy for us to wrap ourselves in our problems and forget that we need to nurture our relationship. In times of need we should turn to scripture to help us find our way. Remember that The Bible is a love story and is the perfect guide not only for our spiritual life but our marital relationship as well. It is important to remember these landmarks in our relationship.
     There are three things that The Bible tells us to do to remember landmarks. They are built to be revisited, they are to be written down and they should be celebrated. I believe if all three of these are implemented in a marriage, it will be hard to forget what brought you toghether and why you fell in love.
     Building alters were common in the Old Testament. Not only were they built but they were named. The first landmark that comes to mind was the one that was built after the children of Israel crossed the Jordan.  "Now the people came up from the Jordan on the tenth day of the first month, and they camped in Gilgal on the east border of Jericho. And those twelve stones which they took out of the Jordan, Joshua set up in Gilgal. Then he spoke to the children of Israel, saying: “When your children ask their fathers in time to come, saying, ‘What are these stones?’ then you shall let your children know, saying, ‘Israel crossed over this Jordan on dry land’; for the LORD your God dried up the waters of the Jordan before you until you had crossed over, as the LORD your God did to the Red Sea, which He dried up before us until we had crossed over, that all the peoples of the earth may know the hand of the LORD, that it is mighty, that you may fear the LORD your God forever.”  Joshua 4:19-24  The reason this was built was for future generations to see and remember what God did.
     Ok so building a landmark may be a bit difficult, especially in your young years of marriage or even dating. It is important to remember where things happen. Maybe a first date, a first kiss, or even a proposal, so there is no need to build because most likely there is already a structure there. It is important that on occasion that you revisit those places. It is surprising how by just seeing these landmarks your memory refreshes itself. One of my favorite places to see for years has been the house that my husband lived in the year we began dating. It is now a vacant parking lot and the house is gone, but I still like to pass it. I remember the long good-byes at the end of an evening together and the time spent getting to know each other there. It is hard not to pass that street and have flashbacks to that summer.
    Second we need to write things down. Our minds have a habit of clouding over time. Sometimes I can barely remember yesterday let alone twenty years ago. I can remember the obvious, but the details seem to slip my mind unless I am reminded. Habakkuk 2:1I will stand on my guard post And station myself on the rampart; And I will keep watch to see what He will speak to me, And how I may reply when I am reproved. 2Then the LORD answered me and said, "Record the vision And inscribe it on tablets, That the one who reads it may run. 3"For the vision is yet for the appointed time; It hastens toward the goal and it will not fail. Though it tarries, wait for it; For it will certainly come, it will not delay.… God told the prophet to write down what he told him because there would be time before prophesy would come to pass. Memories get fuzzy over time and God wanted to be sure his word would not be changed or distorted over that time. It is important for us to write things that happen in our marriage. Sometimes we forget the little romantic things in the midst of a busy life. Take time to journal so when times get tough, and the kids interrupt, you can remember a time when your moments were private. Remember the connection and bring clarity when life gets busy.
     Last celebrate in remembrance. Many places in the Bible we read of celebrations: Passover, Feast of Trumpets, Pentecost. These are all done to remember something significant that God has done so his people don't forget. Christ himself told us to take part in the last supper to remember his sacrifice for our sins. This should be applied into our marriage. No not Passover or the Last Supper (although I do encourage doing this as a couple in spiritual unity), but celebrate mile stones in your relationship. Nothing brings back memories and feelings more quickly  than a smell, a taste, a movie, a sound. A few years ago on our dating anniversary my husband was up to something, but I didn't know what. It was a Saturday night which is movie night in our home. We were struggling with money (which is most of the time anyhow), and didn't have two dollars to go out even for an ice-cream. While Doug was fiddling with the TV the kids were all waiting to see what movie dad picked out for the evening. Imagine their disappointment and my surprise when Dracula began to play. He sat on one end of the couch and I sat on the other, mid way though the movie the kids decided they had enough and went to bed early. I remember how just by him playing the movie I felt the way I did that first night we got together.
     It's imperative to a healthy marriage to remember where you came from. Earlier this summer my son's girlfriend came to visit for the first time. We watched as new love bloomed before our eyes. It took me back to that summer twenty years ago when Doug and I fell in love. It came at a perfect time for us. We have been overcome with all the cares of raising a family we have somehow forgotten our roots and how we came to be who we are today. Since her visit we have been more mindful of taking time out from the kids to reconnect, even if it means just ten minutes alone on the front porch without our kids chaperoning. This summer has been a revival of that summer of love all because we are taking time to remember our landmarks.